Waiting by Luis Apaestegui

“Waiting” is not a term I have always had difficulty with. If I am being honest, some of my favorite go-to’s are Amazon Prime, Netflix and Uber Eats. Why? Because it’s instant and expected to deliver! So, when God pulled the reins on my beautiful wife and I as we tried to start a family, I felt like I hit a concrete wall at full speed. We have been on an infertility journey for over 3 years now, and while we have ridden the roller coaster of emotions, ultimately we have realized that this waiting period that God has planned for us has been truly fruitful for both our spiritual and marital lives.

From the spiritual perspective, my prayers started out as being very “me” focused, asking questions to the Lord such as “Why me? Why wait? You say to be fruitful and multiply… what’s the deal?” Even to the point of arguing with Him, trying to plead my case as to why I “deserve” children. God answered me, not in the way I expected; his answer was better. His answers came to us via conversation with friends and family, even strangers! Yes, strangers. As my wife and I opened up about our journey, we were comforted with kind words, words of hope, courage, sympathy and empathy, perseverance and even prayers! All of which helped tremendously every month we realized we were not pregnant.

As the months went by, however, we got to a point where we were just physically and emotionally exhausted. Shortly after God presented himself through our good friend and priest Fr. Vaccaro, and he said “have you thought about tweaking your prayers to be less me-focused and more focused on – ‘Thy will be done’?” While this may seem very obvious, it was tough for us to relinquish the control, not knowing what the Lord was going to do with it; not knowing the “how fast” or “expectancy of delivery”, things that were very much part of what am used to.

When my wife and I finally gave our “yes” to the Lord, our spiritual life changed drastically, and fast! One way this impacted us was that instead of just praying for ourselves, we began to recognize that there were other marriages impacted by the burden of infertility and we started praying for them before asking for ourselves. As a result, we were becoming less selfish in our prayer life. This change in prayer was not only good for us to be more generous in prayer, but the Lord answered many of our prayers and now many family members and friends have become pregnant!

Another way this new mindset/ prayer life has impacted us, is that by praying and reading scripture we have seen time and time again that while innately we want to take things into our own hands, the Lord will ultimately complete His perfect plan. One example from Scripture that inspires us not to take matters into our own hands is the story of Abraham and Sarah. Sarah wanted a child so badly that she took matters into her own hands, in spite of God’s promise of giving her a child, had Abraham conceive Ishmael with Haggar and then after Sarah ultimately conceived/ gave birth to Isaac, Ishmael and Hagar were sent away. While Hagar and Ishmael were gifts of the Lord, the true son, Isaac, was the catalyst for the Lord declaring Abraham’s descendants as “blessed” and became a part of the lineage to our savior, Jesus!

From a marital perspective, this waiting period has taught me a lot about my wife and has helped me to grow in love and respect for her. Every month my wife would give me the news we weren’t pregnant, in order for me not to become altered, I would react towards her in a way that was dismissive. Later, during Confession, my eyes opened and realized that I was so focused on “maintaining my cool” that I would forget to attend to my wife’s emotional needs. This realization opened up doors for us, and our vulnerability and communication changed for the better as we started opening up about our feelings, and we started taking this journey together instead of apart.

Another way this waiting has been fruitful for our marriage is the relationships that we have gained by opening up to others. Originally my wife and I were insecure about our infertility and only kept the news between ourselves and our doctors. With more guidance from Father Vaccaro, we started to share our story with close friends and family and were overwhelmed with the love and support we received! My wife and I felt like this massive weight had lifted off of our shoulders and not only did we not feel like we were alone, but we felt empowered to encourage others who may be suffering through similar circumstances.

While we still are in the waiting period and longing for the day when we can start a family, I can say without a doubt that our Catholic faith has single-handedly been the one constant that has helped my wife and I on this journey. Regardless of the hand we are dealt, the Lord is good and promises to never leave us! This situation has slowly but surely been unveiling itself as a blessing in disguise. “And we know that the Lord causes all things to work together for good to those who love the Lord, to those who are called according to His purpose.”- Romans 8:28.